Wedding Wednesday- Honoring the Memory of Loved Ones

As I started planning my wedding there was a very important person that I knew would not be able to attend in person. This person was a detrimental part of my special day but he was only able to be there in spirit. This person is my Dad and he passed away in September, 2011.  Today would have been my parents 31st wedding anniversary - almost as if on purpose today is Wedding Wednesday and I would like to dedicate it to my parents :) I would also like to share what I did to honor my Dad and keep his spirit alive at my wedding.

Leading up to the wedding day, in my car I would listen to the various songs that I had chose to narrate my wedding day.  I would encourage every bride to do this- its a great way to creatively visualize the day.  I listened to the song for the bridesmaids walking down the aisle, my song for walking down the aisle, the song Jason was going to dance with his mother to, etc.  Every time I felt tears welling up. In my heart I knew my Dad was with me then and even on the day of the wedding I know he was there partying with all of us and crazy enough when I heard those songs on the day of the wedding, I did not shed one tear!  I have balled my eyes out at weddings in the past few years so I was sure I was going to break down on my day but I didn't.  This made my happy because I knew he was there and giving me positive energy.  What a great feeling!
There were many things that I had to decide on because my father wasn't going to be present on my wedding day.  I'm going to share my decisions with you and maybe help make a what could be a painful situation a lil better.

Walking Down The Aisle

The first thing that crossed my mind was- how was I going to walk down the aisle?  I pondered the thought of someone else walking me but decided against it.  I wasn't comfortable with any other male figure taking the place of my father so I opted to walk down the aisle alone. It was very serene and I would recommend it to anyone if they are having thoughts of uncertainty.  I was nervous about tripping over my dress and making sure I was smiling enough and of course the walk down the aisle which I started above my guests and walked around a balcony and then down a grand staircase- but it went by like a blur!  If you can believe it ha! The adrenaline that I had pumping through my veins got me down the aisle without even a tear.

Because my dad wasn't physically there walking me down the aisle I wanted to do something where he was with me... this was difficult because I really had no idea what I wanted to do but one day I was on Etsy and I found a lovely woman who makes glass charms of pictures that can be taped or attached to your shoes and then in fact your loved ones can be with you while walking down the aisle.  I can't tell you how happy I was to have found her!  She did an amazing job!!! I would recommend her to anyone. What a unique way to celebrate someones life.
Heres the link to her Etsy Store.

The front of both charms

Back of one charm, quote from the show Phantom of the Opera- Christine sings about her father who has passed away- beautiful song and lyric, perfectly describes my thoughts.

Back of the second charm with my wedding date

Father Daughter Dance

This was my 2nd thought.  There was a song that I knew for years was going to be the song that I would choose and for a lil while I decided to skip the dance all together but then my mom said I really should do the dance with someone. I decided to dance with my husband.  I'm so glad I chose to have the dance a part of the wedding.
Another decision I was happy about was that typically the mother-son and father-daughter dance are done right at the start of the reception.  I wanted to wait and not cram everything into the first 20 minutes of the reception so we did those dances about an hour and a half into the reception.  I loved how it broke up the night.  Plus it got people back into the ballroom and back out onto the dance floor.  Our venue was spacious and allowed guests to be upstairs, on balconies, outside on the porch, as well as in the ballroom so it helped to rope everyone back in for all the events of the night.

My Something Blue

I wanted to follow tradition and have something old, new, borrowed, and blue.  My Dad was a retired member of the New Jersey State Police and I wanted to honor him in a unique way. I used a patch from one of his uniforms and had it sewn into the bottom layer of my dress as my "something blue".  I had thought of that idea very early on in planning when on Pinterest I found a pin where a girl had a piece of her dads blue uniform sewn into her dress.  I just thought it was such a thoughtful idea and made for great pictures. The NJ State Police triangle is yellow and navy blue so it was perfect for my something blue!  My seamstress that altered my dress did it effortlessly and said she loved the idea!  If you think about it there are endless ideas of things that you can get sewn into your dress or your husbands tux- even if its just pinned into the rented tux.  Definitely something to think about including.

Including Dad During the Reception

Besides dancing with Jason in honor of my dad I also had my Uncle Steve give a toast at the beginning of the reception and I asked if he would announce a moment of silence for my Dad.  I really enjoyed this moment because in the middle of the most hectic day of my life, I was able to take a breath and say a few words in my head to my Dad and it made me instantly happy with a huge grin. Although leading up to the wedding I thought at this point I would cry but - still no tears!

In memory of my Dad I had an area set up as a small memorial- lucky for me there was a large chest in the entry way of the ballroom that everyone would pass multiple times throughout the night.  I set up a few votive candles on top of it that I had embellished with lace and a large candle that I had lit before the ceremony even started so that it was his candle that burned through the night- I now keep that candle in my living room by his picture. I also had included his State Police hat and a framed photo of him. When I ordered the charms for my shoes she included an extra set of charms!  Which was perfect because I wanted to display the charms in this area. I went looking online for something that I could use for them to hang from.  I found a jewelry "tree" that was a silver upside down calla lilly (my wedding flowers!).  It was really perfect. In a frame that I found at Michaels I had a sign made with the quote that says: "Because someone we love is in heaven, a little piece of heaven is with us today."  I thought that perfectly explained my feelings. 

I thought this area had just enough to make it into its own memorial space. I was very excited with how it came out.  

There are so many ways to honor guests that have passed away.  There are endless ideas on Etsy, Pinterest, and even just searching through wedding blogs. I'm really proud of what I did to honor my dad and I think he would be proud too.  Remember its your wedding- you can make up the rules as you go and do what makes you happy :)

~Love you Dad XO~